Randall D. Ordovich Clarkson, MD
May 6, 2022
The Socioemotional Response of Adolescents to Divorce and Custody Arrangements
Marriage is arguably one of the ultimate acts of both love and courage, vowing to dedicate one’s life entirely to another’s ‘til death do us part.’ Unfortunately, marriages can easily succumb to failure for multiple reasons, resulting in bitter custody battles over children, and even more bitter disputes over property and finances. These battles can have enormous implications for everyone involved, particularly children and adolescents caught in the middle of parental squabbling. Thankfully, according to Raley & Sweeney (2020), the rates of divorce have been declining for the most part, however, rates still remain high and are rising for married couples over the age of 50. Furthermore, the figures of divorce rates hovering between 40-50% have been somewhat exaggerated.
According to Miller (2014), the divorce spike of the 1970s and 1980s as a consequence of the new no-fault divorce laws of the era has subsequently fallen significantly. Furthermore, approximately 70% of marriages from the 1990s reached their 15th anniversary vis-à-vis 65% of marriages from the 1970s (Miller, 2014). In addition to that, two-thirds of marriages among college-educated couples that took place in the 2000s and beyond are never likely to experience divorce (Miller, 2014). One contributing factor to these figures may involve the mere fact that ill-fated unmarried couples simply end in break-ups rather than divorce. However, a significant consideration is that for couples with less education, divorce rates remain higher, resembling figures of the peak divorce years (Miller, 2014).
Despite the exaggerated divorce rate and the positive trends in successful marriages, the divorces that do occur may result in clinically significant emotional trauma for all members involved. In this article, we will discuss some of the therapeutic considerations for working with patients suffering from the emotional consequences of divorce.
Counseling Members of a Divorced Family
According to Kaslow (1995), divorce happens in several stages ranging from pre-divorce and emotional divorce to the final act of legal, economic, spiritual, and psychic divorce. Each of these stages involve a wide range of emotions including anxiety, disbelief, despair, anguish, depression, helplessness, confusion, fury, and vindictiveness, among other emotional responses (Kaslow, 1995). Once married parents begin to undergo the divorce process, they are generally beyond the scope of couple’s group therapy and are most in need of family therapy, individual adult therapy, and if children are involved, these individuals may undergo child therapy or even children of divorce group therapy (Kaslow, 1995). The therapeutic process can cover a range of issues including focusing on the parent’s strengths, addressing the children’s needs, and attempting to formulate ideal co-parenting and residential arrangements (Kaslow, 1995).
Despite the exaggerated divorce rate and the positive trends in successful marriages, the divorces that do occur may result in clinically significant emotional trauma for all members involved
One of the most challenging aspects of divorce involves the children, upending their former way of life and placing them in the throws of a painful transition process. During the co-parental divorce and dealing with issues of custody, parents may experience concerns for their children, numbness, and uncertainty about the future. In therapy, these issues can be addressed through negotiation and analyzing issues and choices in order to reach a formal agreement. Furthermore, in order to minimize the emotional trauma for the children involved, Kaslow (1995) suggests that parents do any number of the following: (1) explain that the divorce is not the children’s fault, (2) explain that the children cannot negotiate the re-uniting of their parents, (3) to discuss the primary residence based on the child’s interests, (4) that each parent will love them and remain active in their lives, (5) to discourage any deprecating remarks to either parent, (6) to avoid any loyalty conflicts with the parents, (7) cooperate on a parenting schedule, and to (8) ensure that adequate financial support is being made. Furthermore, if grandparents are still alive, neither side of the family should ever be cut off from the children.
One of the most challenging aspects of divorce involves the children, upending their former way of life and placing them in the throws of a painful transition process.
In the clinical setting, therapists must be able to fully understand the idiosyncratic scope of the family dynamic including the child’s emotional and behavioral reactions. Therapists must also understand that children of divorced parents generally do worse on metrics of mental health and academic achievement than their counterparts with continuously married parents (Amato, 2001). The extent of these negative impacts should not be underestimated. Additionally, as Kaslow (1995) explains, during and after a divorce, “The therapist may be the only one in the child’s life at this time who can listen sensitively and attentively to the child’s story.” Thus, the therapeutic relationship may be paramount in helping the child cope with their emotional reactivity. In that, Kaslow (1995) states that different therapeutic approaches may be considered, ranging from art or play therapy, to individual therapy, as well as groups for children of divorce and even sibling group therapy in order to diminish any rivalry and to strengthen sibling bonds.
It is critical to note that the degree in which children can buttress themselves from emotional trauma depends on how much conflict is involved both during and post-divorce (Kaslow, 1995). A child may indeed repress their feelings during this time, and may have long-term effects throughout their life, with issues reemerging in the future through the sleeper effect (Kaslow, 1995). For example, the sleeper effect phenomenon may manifest in the child’s later reluctance as an adult to enter a permanent relationship as an effort to avoid going through another divorce experience, or if eventually married, they may experience higher rates of conflict and ultimately higher rates of divorce themselves (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2016). This, however, does not mean that children of divorce are destined to inevitably poor marriages in the future. Though, their issues must be addressed early on in order to allow maximize their development of resilience and wellness later in life.
Theoretical Approaches to Maximize Resilience, Optimum Development, and Wellness
Children of divorced parents have significantly poorer metrics of parent-child relations, self-concept, adjustment, conduct, and school achievement when compared to their counterparts living with intact families (Amato, 2001; Kail & Cavanaugh, 2016). Furthermore, there may be varying degrees of challenges within different cultures. In a study of Iranian children of divorced parents, for instance, Esmaeilian et al. (2018) discuss how individuals, particularly women, may be at heightened risk of social deprivation. If left unaddressed, these emotional changes can result in feelings of inadequacy and rejection. Therefore, in a clinical setting, therapists must help improve these areas to encourage optimum development and resilience.
One way that therapists may help is by using approaches such as Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Children or MBCT-C (Esmaeilian et al., 2018). In their study on therapy for Iranian children of divorce, Esmaeilian et al. (2018) suggest that such approaches may ultimately reduce levels of depression, anxiety, and even anger while increasing emotional resiliency and wellness. The mechanisms of these improvements involve increasing the child’s self-awareness as well as decreasing their emotional reactivity by improving their impulse control. In MBCT-C, patients are encouraged to first identify and observe thoughts and emotions, exploring the manner in which their life experiences correlate with these sentiments (Esmaeilian et al., 2018). With this greater sense of self-awareness, their problematic reactions can be interrupted with more appropriate responses to noxious thoughts, events, or stimuli. Additionally, with adequate treatment, metrics of depression, anxiety, anger, and mindfulness can be greatly improved (Esmaeilian et al., 2018).
Adolescent Misbehavior as a Consequence of Divorce
The impact of divorce on children does depend on the age of the child. For instance, as Kail & Cavanaugh (2016) explain, children and adolescents experience significantly more harm than their counterparts in preschool or college years. Because of that, children of divorced parents exhibit higher risks for behavior and mental health problems, including conduct (aggression, misbehavior, delinquency, sexual deviancy, and anti-social behavior), psychological adjustment (depression and anxiety), self-concept (self-esteem and self-efficacy), and social relations (popularity and quality of peer relations), along with reduced academic achievement when compared to other cohorts of children and adolescents (Amato, 2001; Esmaeilian et al., 2018; Kalter, 1977).
...children of divorced parents exhibit higher risks for behavior and mental health problems...
Further considerations include the differences drawn between boys and girls, with boys exhibiting more severe behavioral problems exacerbated by divorce (Amato, 2001; Kalter, 1977). As explained by Amato (2001), “In the 1990s, divorce was associated with greater conduct problems among boys than girls.” Other factors to consider include the degree of parental conflict as well as parental anti-social personality, both of which can have outweighed impacts on the mental well being of the children involved (Amato, 2001). Unfortunately, one of the big concerns in such behavioral manifestations include the increased aggression of the household spilling over into the community writ large, thereby ultimately involving conflict with legal authorities (Kalter, 1977). Indeed, such problems can be onerous and should be addressed through professional means including therapeutic approaches such as MBCT-C to increase mindfulness and reduce impulsive behavior.
Conclusion
Despite the slowly decreasing rates of divorce along with divorce mediation, school-based interventions, and parenting classes for divorced parents, the negative impact of divorce on children continues to be an issue (Amato, 2001). Indeed, in sheer socioeconomic terms, the disparity in outcomes for married couples with higher levels of education vis-à-vis those with less education is a sociological issue that will be difficult to contend with in a clinical setting. Regardless, it is well understood that divorce can have clinically significant implications with possible long-term ramifications via the sleeper effect. Conclusively, clinicians should be able to recognize high-risk patients and subsequently implement therapeutic techniques such as MBCT-C to be able to increase resilience and mindfulness in order to reduce impulsivity and other maladaptive behaviors.
References
Amato, P. R. (2001). Children of divorce in the 1990s: an update of the Amato and Keith (1991) meta-analysis. Journal of family psychology, 15(3), 355.
Esmaeilian, N., Dehghani, M., Dehghani, Z., & Lee, J. (2018). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy enhances emotional resiliency in children with divorced parents. Mindfulness, 9(4), 1052-1062.
Kail, R. V., & Cavanaugh, J. C. (2016). Human development: A life-span view (7th ed.). Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth. ISBN-13: 9781305116641
Kalter, N. (1977). Children of divorce in an outpatient psychiatric population. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 47(1), 40.
Kaslow, F. W. (1995). The dynamics of divorce therapy. In Integrating family therapy: Handbook of family psychology and systems theory. (pp. 271–283). American Psychological Association. https://doi-org.lopes.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/10172-015
Miller, C. (2014, December 2). The Divorce Surge Is Over, but the Myth Lives On. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html
Raley, R. K., & Sweeney, M. M. (2020). Divorce, repartnering, and stepfamilies: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 81-99.
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